Monday 12th January - 140.6 kg

I have no doubts that today is the start of the most amazing journey of my life.....
Surgery is still 2 weeks away, but today the Pre-Op eating begins, which means that there is NO alcohol (and after the weekend that I have had, that ain't such a bad thing *wink*), no bread, no fruit, no fat, no anything that tastes even vaguely good!!
OK - so I have always been a drama queen....... you didn't think that was gonna change did ya??
The day started for me with a "HOLY FUCK" scales moment.....
Last week, I weighed in at 136.6kg, which meant a loss of 1kg since my original appointments in December.
This morning, the scales flashed 140.6kgs!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!
I have GAINED 4kgs in just one week?!?!?!?!
BLOODY HELL!!!
That is a pure testament to how completely fucked up my body is these days!
It will be interesting to see what the numbers are in the coming days...
I will probably weigh in every damn day, cos I'm a bit obsessed like that sometimes.... But I wont be posting my weight until next Monday.
Or will I?
Ah God - who bloody knows!
Guess I will just do whatever the hell I feel like doing at the time

Righto.......... Day one, where was I?
I didn't bother with breakfast before work this morning, I figured that if I left it a bit later, then I could have lunch later, and then I wouldn't be starving by mid afternoon *fingers crossed*, which is what usually happens with me.
I made up my first shake at 10.30am, just as I was starting to get a bit peckish.
Tasted like watery chocolate flavoured goop to be honest!
It was a Dr Macleods one, so I have decided that I might try it with a bit of Trim milk tomorrow - maybe half milk half water.
Might thicken it up a bit and give it more "Oooomph"
I was pretty busy this morning, and didn't manage to get out for my usual coffee, so by midday, I was actually starting to feel a bit yuck - lack of caffeine me thinks. Will have to work on that for tomorrow.
Lunch today was a chocolate flavoured Optifast bar, that tasted a bit like fake chocolate flavoured carpet, and I actually had to force it down to be honest, but it has done the trick, and I'm not feeling hungry at all right now.
Water consumption for the day sits at about 1.5 litres so far, and I went out at lunch time in search of Sprite Zero, just for a bit of a sweet fix this afternoon if I need it.
Dinner tonight will be salad with a can of tuna chucked through it, and of course - NO DRESSING!!!!
I will make up a fish pie for Rhian, and she can have that tonight and Wednesday night, and then maybe a mince dish for her for another couple of nights.
She doesn't like lettuce so wont have salad with me, and although she would probably sit down and eat an entire cucumber and container of Cherry tomatoes for dinner - I don't quite think that would be enough for my growing girl! hehehehe....
Mum reminded me about the fact that I am allowed Weight Watchers Jelly, so I think I will head to the supermarket on my way home and pick up a few of those - Rhian will love them too!!!
Exercise plans for tonight include getting out for a walk after work, while Rhian rides her new bike beside me.
Will have to make sure that I do actually get out and do that, as it is so damn easy to procrastinate and get caught up doing other shit.
So that is day one.
It's all so real now! YAY!!!!!

How you going with your shakes Rach??
And Mum? How did you find the rest of the day?
My mum is the coolest ever! I have already spoken to her about a million and fifty times today!!!
We can ALL do this girls!!!!!

Total change of subject time now.....
Something that I found at the party on Saturday, was the amount of people that are willing to lie so freely!
Maybe it is just me being over sensitive?
Story:
A girl was there that used to work with me a few years ago. She has lost a lot of weight and is looking bloody fantastic!
She hasn't seen me since she left work about 2 years ago.
Now..... I have gained 30kgs in those two years, and am looking pretty damn fat.
She came in and gave me a hug, and my mouth dropped open and I said "Oh my god, you look bloody amazing!! So healthy and happy, and just plain gorgeous and slim!!"
To which she replied: "So do you!"
What the fuck?!?!?
I just wanted to scream.... "Are you blind or just plain bloody ignorant!?!?!"
Now.......... I am under absolutely NO ILLUSIONS that I am looking tired and fat and unhealthy and "puffy".
I see it in the mirror every day.
So my question is this..........
Why do people feel the need to lie?
Am I being over sensitive?
Or is it just that people feel uncomfortable in taking compliments, and therefore feel the need to deflect them by saying something about the person giving it?
Does that make sense?
I am the first to give a compliment - I LOVE telling people what I like.....
But I am not going to lie and tell someone that they are something that they are not.
Anyway, I guess I am just rambling now, but ya know what?!?!
I would honestly prefer to have NOTHING said to me, rather than a fumbled second hand "compliment".......
Does that make me a bitch?!

Oooooooooo, and I just have to add that something on the weekend made me SOOOOOOOOO excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A few months ago I met a girl who had the surgery like 8 weeks before I met her ( I think it was 8 weeks)
Anyway, I have been in contact with her ever since..... *waves* Hi Cara!!!!!
But, I haven't actually "seen" her in about 4 weeks?
Right...... so on Saturday, I was in the Supermarket getting some stuff, and as I was walking out, I looked up and there was this chick at one of the checkouts, paying for her stuff.
As I looked at her, I thought that she looked familiar, then realised she looked like Cara. I wondered to myself if Cara had a little sister, cos I had never asked her if she did.
Anyway, I carried on walking, and then heard a voice behind me....
"Jo"
As soon as I heard my name being called, the penny dropped!
It WAS Cara!
The transformation that gorgeous girl is going through is nothing short of amazing!!!!!
I must have looked like a complete idiot, just standing there with my mouth wide open, I think the only words that would come out of my mouth were something along the lines of "Holy Fuck!!!"
Luckily she took it all with great humour.......
I tell ya - she is a prime example of what hard work can do!
Exercise, water, eating the right foods etc.....
Get this................ she has lost just over 40kgs in just 16 weeks!!!!!
Yep - you read it right!!
40kgs in 4 months!!!!
And to think that "could" be me in a few months time is absolutely mind blowing!
Anyway.....................
Cara - I bow down to you - My Hero!!!!!!

And on that note........ I'm off to fill my water bottle again *wink*