Wednesday 30th October

It's bloody busy at work these days, and I'm loving it.
Although my gym workouts are suffering - cos I barely have time to heat up a tin of tuna and come back to my desk to eat it, there is no way that I could have justified a lunch time workout any day this week so far.
My manager is away until tomorrow, and it seems that all of his work is falling on to me at the moment.
Plus, I have started learning aspects of my co-workers job that I will have to take over early December when she goes on maternity leave.
Ah well..... just as well that I love being busy at work huh?

Although next week, I am going to MAKE SURE that I get to the gym a couple of times.
I need to take advantage of not having to pick up Rhian from school - so a few after work sessions might be in order :)

I'm sooooo excited about his weekend and going away.  (I got my dress all sewed up last night - and it fits perfectly now - YAY!!!)
Part of it is because I get to spend time with my favourite boy, and the other part is that I get to dress up and play ladies and meet new people!
It's funny, I have been freaking out a bit about the whole races day to be honest....
Mainly because I still have visions of me being the big fatty in the corner that looks out of place and is miserable!
There are always loads of gorgeous young things prancing around in their tiny dresses and high heels, and I have always (in the past) been the one sitting down under the shade, in a shapeless outfit and flat sensible shoes cos my ankles would have swollen up after an hour of standing!
NOT THIS YEAR BABY!!!!
No bloody way!!!!!
Now this probably sounds bloody stupid and really totally shallow, but here goes anyway........

I want to make Jeremy proud!

In the past, I have always felt that I was letting him down because I looked so out of place and different to everyone else.
Of course, that probably wasn't the case at all, but it was just how I felt.
Anyway, I want him to be proud of me, to look at me and think that I am the hottest chick in the room.
To have others be a little envious of him because he has a "hot" girlfriend!
To have him show everyone that he is proud to be with me.
I guess I just want him to feel the same way about me, that I feel about him when we are together.....
See - told ya it was shallow!!  hahahaha......

Anyway - before ya'll start giving me a lecture about the fact that he does love me etc.....
I KNOW all that - I know that he loves me and that he is proud of me, and to be honest, he has always been proud of me - no matter how big I was.
He was the one who loved me before surgery at 140kg.  He was the one who loved me no matter if I went ahead with the surgery or not.
He was the one who stepped up and has supported me throughout the whole thing, and I love him for that........
But, somewhere in the deep dark recesses of my "fat" brain....... all that logic just flew out the window, and at times I felt that he couldn't love me or be proud of me....

Oh God - I don't even know if this is making any sense whatsoever, so I am gonna leave it here.

It's home time anyways :)