Apparently I am so predictable when it comes to blogging.
When things aren't going right, or I am unhappy about something, I hide.
I turn away from my journal and I don't update at all.
This was all brought to my attention by my gorgeous sister Lisa yesterday over coffee.
And it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear!
It is TRUE!
I DO withdraw, and I DO hide, and ya know what?
I have been doing it for years now.
So, I have made a promise to myself, that even when things aren't perfect, I will still stick with my blog.
There are a number of reasons that I "hide"
One is because I don't want anyone to see me fail.
Of course, in reality I know that I am not failing, but in my head, when I don't achieve a particular goal - I have failed.
I feel like I am letting people down, I feel like I am a fraud.
There are times that I would love to come on line and just vent some more - but I don't.
I am not entirely sure why.
I do, however, know that one of the reasons that I don't like to admit to struggling, is the fact that I HATE being told what to do.
Anyone out there that actually knows me, knows that I am pig-headed.
I know what to do for God's sake!
I'm just not very good at doing it all the time.
What's going on?
I HATE the fact that I have gained weight two weeks in a row.
But ya know what?
I DESERVED to have gained weight two damn weeks in a row!!!
I have done NO exercise, I have eaten pretty much whatever I have wanted to, and I have been boozing it up a bit too.
So - we all know what is going to happen........... it doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure that one out.
I HAVE to get my head back in the game - I just HAVE to.
How am I going to do that?
I DON'T KNOW!!!!!
Please don't anyone suggest that I contact the psychologist at the clinic.
I don't like her
I didn't click with her
And I found her completely condescending and almost aggro when I couldn't "blame" my being fat on anything.
What else is going on?
I'm tired.
I'm more tired than I have ever been before, and I find that strange, considering I am "supposed" to have more energy now that I am carrying less weight!!
Yes - I am taking my vitamins.
Yes - I am TRYING to ensure I get a good healthy range of food.
But........ I feel like I could go to sleep and not wake up for three days.
I have made an appointment to go and see my Dr on Monday morning.
I need to have blood tests done for my 9 month check up in December, so instead of waiting until then - I will get them done earlier and see what they come back with.
I am picking that I may be B12 deficient, as it was borderline last time, and although I have been taking the B12 supplements, maybe it is not enough? Maybe I need to have the injection instead?
Anyway - I have made the appointment, so I will just wait to see what comes from that.
So...... all in all, I'm feeling a bit "down" at the moment.
Things at home are great - Jeremy is wonderful and I am more in love with him now than what I ever have been, and I know that he adores me.
Rhian is being a little madam, and I have lost my temper at her on more than one occasion in the past few weeks.
Her ears seem to have forgotten how to work, and she has a bad habit of lying about things as well.
Mix this up with a total attitude and lots of "it's not fair" thrown in to the mix, and you have a 5 year old that makes me want to tear my hair out at times.
I was getting pretty slack with rules around the house, and I was doing a bit of the "guilt parenting" thing as well I think.
You know...... when she is with me, I want her to be happy, and I was doing everything for her.
If she left her toys out, then I would pick them up.... just little things like that.
But........ after thinking about it, and talking with Jeremy about it - we have decided that it is just not working!
Duh!!!
So...... this week, we are back to eating dinner at the table.
Her toys must be packed away at the end of the day.
clothes and toys aren't just to be thrown on the ground in her room - they get put away properly.
Just little rules that wont hurt her, and certainly wont make her "unhappy" as such.
A 5 year old needs boundaries - and I will admit that I haven't really been very good at providing her with very many of them lately.
I don't want her growing up in to a total bitch that has no respect for anyone or anything, and like Jeremy said - I don't have to be her best friend all of the time - I have to be her MOTHER first!!
Good advice :)
So there ya have it!
I KNOW that I need to work on the head stuff, and I know that I have to get the tiredness sorted out too.
I'm working on it all.
I am!
Oh yeah - and although the scales aren't moving - the measurements still are.
I have lost another 3cm off each thigh, and 2 cm off each calf in the past 6 weeks.
My hips have shrunk another 4cm, and my arms have gone down by another 1cm each.
So, things ARE still happening, but I just get disheartened when the numbers don't move.
And that comes from years and years and years of watching the scales, and never ever succeeding.
And since I have been doing it for 30 odd years.......... it's gonna take a bit longer than 9 months to quit!
I KNOW THAT!!!!!
Righto..........
My weekend was fabulous....
Friday night I went out with Jeremy's sister and some other friends, and we had an absolute blast!
We finally got home at about 2.30am on Saturday morning!!
It was awesome!
I haven't had a girls night out like that in years, and I had a blast!
Makes a change that it was me out, and Jeremy at home in bed! hehehehe......
Saturday I got completely lost in the city when I went to collect some chairs for our dining room that I won off TradeMe.
Jeremy was at golf, and I was sure that I knew where I was going!!!
HOW WRONG WAS I?!?!?!?!
I ended up sitting in my car, crying in to my map book!!!
I got myself so worked up that I had NO IDEA where I was or how I was going to get home.
I FINALLY regained my composure, and figured out where I was, and how to get to where I needed to be.
I tell ya - I have NEVER been so pleased to be driving home again!
The chairs are awesome, and Jeremy and Grant (from down the road) put them together in no time at all.
Saturday night was a quiet one, and since we had to be up early on Sunday morning - I wasn't complaining!
Sunday we went out on a 4WD rally with the Contractors Federation that Jeremy belongs to.
It was AWESOME!!!!
We (J, Me, Sonya & Lizzie) were in Pete's 4WD ute, and we had a blast!
Jeremy drove it, and he has never ever done anything like that before........
You could tell!
We got totally and utterly 100% stuck!!!
We were so far stuck in the mud, that I couldn't even open my door, the mud cam up too far!
FUNNY!!!!
All in all it was a fabulous weekend, and I haven't laughed so much in ages!
AWESOME!!!!!
Tonight we are going out for pizza (with Sonya & Pete and their kids) for dinner, then we are gonna watch the fire works display on the beach.
Should be good.
And thanks to my "wardrobe Fairy" Cara, today I am wearing a gorgeous black and red wrap around dress.
Here is a pic....
I will update my progress pictures over the weekend hopefully - if I can con Jeremy in to taking some decent photos.
Rhian took these ones this morning, they are a bit dark, but you get the general idea :)
And for now, I'm gonna go and grab some lunch......
Salad and chicken sounds good for today!
And I will be back - no matter how I am feeling.....
Cos at the end of the day - this is my blog, and I can say what I want :)
What ever the scales say you are looking awesome :-)
ReplyDeleteWoo hoo......Jo has *woken* up thanks to her big sister who was more brave than her Mummy at saying what needed to be said to get you back on track. I think Lisa said what I had been thinking but wasn't sure how to put it online being so far away. However I was so happy to hear you had had a very worthwhile catch up :)
ReplyDeleteI know how hard it is to forget about those numbers on the scales but the proof is in the measurements. They tell the real story :)
Full marks to Jeremy on the comment about you being first and foremost a mother to Rhian. Yep there will be lots of "It's not fair" & even worse "I hate you" over the years to come........remember back to when you were little ROFLMAO. I was to all three of you at times "the worst mother in the world" but I survived and so will you. Just tell her you know she thinks it's not fair and that she thinks you are the meanest mummy around but that you still love her anyway and thats the way things are and just be cool calm & collected about it all ...easier said than done I know LOL. She is just trying out the boundaries and so having some good rules in place will help keep her within them........such as the ones you have already gone back to. Some simple rules & consequences on a chart may help her to remember what will happen if she does get off track. Best of luck........as Steph has found children don't come with an instruction book or a one size fits all approach. Relax & enjoy the journey and you & she will have what we have, a great mother/daughter relationship with all its ups & downs based on unconditional love......well I think we do ROFL :) BIG BIG Hugs
Luv to all
xoxoxoxoxo
Mum - you just made me cry! We DO have a great relationship, and I am so proud and happy for that. It is something that I truley treasure. I love you xoxo
ReplyDeleteHi Jo,
ReplyDeleteNot sure if I have ever commented before but I have been following your journey for years from Singapore!
Just wanted to say you look fabulous today in that dress. Slim. Not just on the journey but like someone who never had a weight issue!
We all have weeks where we don't feel up to it. I've had a couple recently too.
Liz
Jo i am the same ! Theres so much i wanna say sometimes but dont...and a lot of that is my fear of failure, but we have both done so good we just gotta stick it out for the ride...and thanks for the comment on facebook about my cheekbones ! Nice to see you back...kazz =]
ReplyDeleteHey Jo, had not checked in for about a week, loved your newsy post,and that is terrific news about the measurements over this last hardly more than a month, you are definetely shaping up regardless of scales! Great pics also.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the scales you may find it is a little bit of fluid weight or just slight muscle weight, cos after big losses no doubt the body rebalance a bit, even with no gym just day to day things, even going out, doing things for your daughter.
This is the "silly season" lots of social invites and traditionally also a time of letting loose after a long winter, so i am sure this will even out soon.
I have been a naturopath and i say have the blood test plus for iron, as B12 is not well absorbed via tablet, and may need injections.
Re the 5 year old stage, one time my son was so mad at having to tidy his room with me, after threats i would put all uncleaned toys into storage, that after midnight while i thought we were all asleep, he opened his window and chucked everything out of his room into the garden. He is an adult now and the most laid back easy going type, so do not worry if they lose it a bit sometimes when little. I then found that there were ways to avoid the battle with him thing. One way was to take him to martial arts classes, get him to run around the park started at 1 and got to 26 times and such, ie i set him challenges and then he would have that energy out of his system. i also organized for him to play in the mud games with a hot bath after. Because at school he had to sit and be "good" for so many hours i gather he had a lot of steam to let out when home with me.
Another thing that worked for me, was the reward system, we only got to go to the park, to swimming pool, or out to buy his new runners if we had time to go. We only got to sit with a frozen yoghurt or something if we got through the grocery shopping in time. If he did not help, and had trashed the place and did not help to clean up, then i took a long time to get the chores done and no time for park. He soon learnt that we were a team and that it felt fun to not make too big a mess so we had time for going out.
By about 7 they often are able to play one game for hours eg a jigsaw or lego or drawing, and have less need to drag every dress up outfit, every pencil out in the space of 30 minutes. It does get better!
This is the way someone i know handled it, wish i had known this earlier, she hid away most of the toys in a big locked cupboard, and only put out a couple each day, especially things like beads and card games and things, so that they are not all thrown in one big pile on the floor.
You may find that once the weather is not so rainy and you can take her down the park to run around, ride a bike,learn to play catch, kick a ball, climb on monkey bars things will improve, and meanwhile you can get a bit of exercise time in also even if it is just a walk it all adds up.
if that does not work, all that bending to pick up toys does the same as sit ups and so you are definetely getting exercise in!
all the best from jasmine
Sheesh some huge comments there!
ReplyDeleteAll I will say is ... kids thrive with boundaries and rules... and parents being CONSISTANT. You have to be a parent first... and friends later.
Jo, I think the most important thing about this journey is AWARENESS! Whether you're succeeding, struggling, winning, losing - it doesn't matter what you're going through as long as you're aware of what you're feeling, how it's affecting you and what you need to do about it - and you've got that in spades!
ReplyDeleteYou will get over this hurdle (and that's what I believe it is) a little challenge along the way sent to test you and you'll be AWARE of what a success you are regardless of whether you achieve those goals you set yourself or not.
Well done on the parenting - my eldest is nearly 4 and i'm undergoing MAJOR learning curves at the moment and even at the age of 14 months I already know my daughter is going to provide me with challenges! I've always admired your parenting style.
Phew - not much else I can add to those comments!
ReplyDeleteRhian is just pushing the boundaries, great you've realised this. I know from our daughter's experience it can be difficult when the children have two homes and the boundaries are different in each. I'm not saying that's what's happening with you, but I've hear dher boys tell her that they can play on the computer at dad's, stay up later etc so they are trying Well should I say she is) to have similar rules in both houses.
Good on Lisa for telling you. No answers on how to help you, but take a look at those photos and who gives a damn what the scales are saying - you are looking BLOODY GORGEOUS!!
Ok... looks like you're sorted with all the other stuff, but I just wanted to cash in my two cents re the b12.
ReplyDeleteYou know how gets low b12?
People like me who have have pernicious anaemia (a genetically inherited autoimmune disease), which means I can't absorb b12, no matter how much I consume. I must have it injected into the blood stream for it to be held on to. Mixed messages from my body saying that's danger don't absorb (is the short story).
Who else? People who are vegans, as b12 comes from animals and animal products (so people who don't eat meat, eggs, milk etc).
AND... people who have had your particular surgery as the bit of your body that absorbs (I am pretty sure) has been removed/reduced significantly. It may have something to do with not being able to eat enough b12 rich foods too. Not sure on that one.
But I would get a prescription from your gp and go and have a shot of it every few months.
Guess what else? low b12 DOES make you tired and lethargic! So hop to it. Not sure those ones you take orally are enough, when the bit you need to absorb it is missing?? Hmm.
Good luck!
(ps - hadn't checked my hotmail in ages and I was one of the lucky ones that got an email from your spammer! awww!)
found this...
ReplyDeleteA similar disorder involving impaired B-12 absorption can also occur following gastric removal (gastrectomy) or gastric bypass surgery, especially the Roux-en-Y bypass. In this procedure the stomach is separated into two sections, one a very small pouch for holding small amounts of food, and the other, the remainder of the stomach, which is resultingly non-functional. Therefore, the mucosa cells are no longer available, nor is the required intrinsic factor. This results in inadequate GI absorption of B-12, and may result in a syndrome indistinguishable from pernicious anemia. Gastric bypass or gastrectomy patients must take B-12 as in treatment of pernicious anemia: either oral megadoses, or B-12 by injection.
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So there you go :)