I came on here the other day and asked if I had the "right" to complain, when I have it pretty bloody good compared to others out there....
Feedback seemed to suggest that I have every right... so today, is my complaining day....
If you don't want to read a lot of self serving "poor me" drivel, then I suggest you click on that little "X" in the top right hand corner of your browser right about NOW!
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You're still thinking about it??
Well then, I will re-iterate that what you are possibly about to read, is going to be incredibly self centred, pathetically depressing and mind-numbingly predictable...
And, there is every chance that I might delete it anyway!
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Still here??
Don't say I didn't warn you....
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I'm now the same weight I was on the 12th April this year.... 3 weeks after having a baby!!!!!
93.6kgs
To say that I am pissed off would be a total understatement...
I'm totally gutted at myself...
How could I let this happen??
I had 90kgs as my NO GO zone... there was NO WAY that I was EVER going to be in the 90's again!!
EVER!
Now, I am well in to the 90's and if I don't do something, I will be back in to the 100's in no time!!!
I'm constantly hungry... even now, I am sitting here fighting with myself...
One half of me KNOWS that I can' succumb to the Christmas treats on the table, yet the other half of me just wants to go and tuck in to the Scorched Almonds, and chocolates, and mini meringues, and chocolate fudge, and macadamia nuts and pretzels......
ARGH!!!
It's like having a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, and my brain is in the middle completely torn :(
I HATE this feeling, I am shitty at myself, and I KNOW that I am the only person that can do anything about it....
The $18K that was spent on surgery is NOT going to be a waste,. and I simply can't let myself get any heavier..... I just can't do it!
I KNOW what needs to be done, I KNOW how to do it.... it's just a matter of actually making the changes and ACCEPTING the fact that it HAS to be done!
For so long I have cruised along, fooling myself into believing that I am "normal"
The fact of the matter is, is that I have never been, nor will I ever be "normal".
I wasn't "normal" when I was 165kg and killing myself with food.
And I"m certainly not "normal" now...
Step one for today..... instead of ordering my usual Flat White with sugar for morning tea, I got a Long Black with sweetener instead.... If I am going to do this - I have to do it properly - no half arsed attempts anymore.
I WON'T be a fat bride again...
Speaking of the wedding.....
We might have to completely rethink it all....
We were totally (and somewhat naively) relying on the Xmas Bonus that Jeremy was going to get, to pay for it all....
Turns out that the bonus this year is only half of what we thought it would be, and wont cover all the costs we still have to fork out for....
I guess the good thing is, is that if we do have to change the venue, the deposit I have paid is refundable up until a week before hand!
It doesn't help that I have totally overspent over the past few months, just expecting the "bonus" to cover it all....
Bugger :(
Anyone know of a money tree anywhere I could cut down and replant in my back yard??
Tough love with Jaynie is going to start tonight....
She is still waking every 4 hours, and it is time for it to stop!
So tonight I plan on letting her cry it out for a bit.... it's gonna be hard, but I am sure that she is just in the habit of waking at night now, cos she KNOWS she will get a cuddle etc...
I NEED MY SLEEP!
9 months is long enough....
So there ya have it....
If you got to the end, then I applaud you!
But ya know what.... writing it all down has kinda made it all a bit clearer in my mind....
I KNOW what needs to be done...
And I KNOW that it CAN be done....
Now it the time to DO IT!
Bugger about the bonus, and hey that was not much of a rant, was expecting heaps more lol. You are lucky about the venue.... Getting a refund.
ReplyDeleteHope the day improves for you :)
I understand the disappointment you are feeling about weight, and the Christmas bonus ...
ReplyDeleteIt's fine to vent - we are still here as your supporters - because we care about you, + you have still achieved heaps all ready - we know that you are going to reach your goals.
We all have times when life isn't quite going to plan - but we are still living our life. Ups and downs are part of it.
Good Luck with the sleep side of things with Jaynie :)
Jo, you are in inspiration - and I really enjoy reading about your life.
I hope your week improves. :)
Two things come to mind to help with the weight/health. Try Lynda's way......no wheat. That means no bread, biscuits, cakes etc made with flour, or go the no sugar way, that means no sugar in any form, it's the fructose ..... or a combination.......just eat lots of fresh veggies, salads, meat, yoghurt,cheese, good oils/fats, nuts such as a few walnuts and a couple of brazil nuts a day and limit fresh fruit to 2-3 serves. Limit alcohol!!!!That cuts out all the white bread especially, cakes & biscuits. I know this isn't the easiest time of year to be doing it but if you do it for a few days you will find you wont feel hungry and it will be easier to stick to. Wheat & sugar are like poison to some people and your health can suffer.
ReplyDeleteSheesh...can you tell I'm on a mission myself.!!!
Bugger about the bonus. :(
Can we try and simplify the wedding, after all it's the joining in matrimony of you and Jeremy that's important, nothing else is that important.
That's my sixpenny worth :)
Love you to the moon & back and hope the "tough love" works with Jaynie.
xoxoxoxo
I'm with all the others: bugger about the bonus, but the wedding is about you and Jeremy and you can do something (she says, having no idea what is planned). Good news about the venue refund!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I agree with Hippygal - I was expecting much worse than that! You have achieved a lot and you are still under 95 kgs, not 165 - you haven't gained it all back> But good on you for making good choices again today. It is so tempting to say stuff it, it's the end of the year and we'll get back to it after Christmas, but it's not really worth all that hassle, is it? Do your best and try not to beat yourself up. That's all anyone can ask of you. Oh, and good luck with Jaynie, don't envy you this evening, but will be thinking of you! Penny xo
One other thing. I'm not a mother, but having a baby waking up every four hours has obviously given you a whole lot of stress and exhaustion this year, and those conditions make it really hard to make positive changes. You are working full time, have two children, one of whom is still a baby, are planning a wedding, have been renovating a house, worrying about money (as most of us do)... I don't blame you for not being at your ideal weight. Good luck though, you can do it!
ReplyDeleteSo hard to get back on track once you go off track...but your right Jo you know what to do :) and as we both know....such a wonderful feeling to know your doing your best :)
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