Today I can barely keep my eyes open....
All I want to do is curl up in a ball and go to sleep....
I was in bed by 8pm last night, but I was still awake at 9.30pm.
The last time I saw the clock was about 9.40pm, then Jaynie was awake just before midnight for a bottle.
When she is good, it's pretty quick... 25 - 30 minutes from the time I get up to the time I'm back in bed again, so I was back in bed by 12.30am.
Rhian woke me up at 2.12am to tell me that she was going to the toilet - Bless Her!
Up I get again to help her back to bed cos it's a dark hallway and she wants her mum to tuck her in... how can I refuse??
Back to bed again and pretty much straight back to sleep for me, then Jaynie wanted another bottle at 4.22am.
Another good feed for her, and I was back in bed at 4.47am.
The alarm clock woke me at 6.05am.... And I was shattered!
Tonight.... I'm gonna find a nightlight and put it in the hallway for Rhian - that will "hopefully" eliminate one wake up for me....
I just wish that I could get Jaynie on to ONE feed at night.... I'd be a lot happier then me thinks...
Until then, I'll carry on with a smile on my face and not admit to the world that I am nearly dead on my feet....
My eating today has been nothing short of atrocious, and even though I was full before, I still managed to stuff some chocolate down...
Cementing in my head the fact that the Weight Loss Surgery is merely a tool, and if I don't start being careful and watching what I can shove in my gob, then I will end up on the wrong side of 100kgs again...
2 x Coffees
1 x toast with marmite
1 x Weight Watchers Apple Cereal Bar
1 x banana
1 x pear
1 cup home made vegetable soup
2 fresh bread buns with butter
1 slice apple shortcake
1 Cadbury Twirl Bar
2 x pineapple lumps
6 x licorice bites
And that is all before dinner!!!
Notice how I started off the day OK..... then it all went downhill around midday when the exhaustion kicked in and I went on to Auto-Pilot!
I'm thinking of leaving my wallet at home tomorrow - that way I CAN'T go to the supermarket and be tempted by the fresh baking...
To be honest... the only time of the day that I was hungry, was at about 10am when I had the WW Apple Cereal bar... the rest was just boredom & my emotions getting the better of me...
I am gonna TRY to NOT let that happen tomorrow.
God - please give me strength!!!!!
Maybe Katie Jay could be of help with the WLS is just a tool when she is here for the conference.
ReplyDeleteWe have made a day rate after your suggestion, rather than the full weekend one.
gosh I'm tired just reading about the interuptions to your sleep at night, I think anyone would feel shattered if they had to operate on lack of sleep like that.
ReplyDeleteI am wondering if there is anyway you could 're-jiggle' things so you could perhaps start work and hour or (even better) two later then what your doing for 8 weeks or so. I know that will drop the income by 10 hours a week but there is only so much your body/system can take before you will start getting sick yourself as us humans just arn't designed to run on the smell of a warm danish and flat white for an indefinate period of time before it says ENOUGH.
I used to try and juggle the last bottle at night as close as possible to our bed time. Could that work for you and then you may only have to get up one more time during the night? Reading your entry I don't really know how you do it! I had 17 months between our oldest and the twins - but I didn't have work the next day, that must be so hard!
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you do it either! That's the one thing I'm not sure about being a mum (oh and the labour) but I am counting on both being temporary and the hormones helping you forget it.
ReplyDeleteI can understand why you are turning to food - that is what I do when I am flat out at work: forget to eat and not want to leave the office so it is junk when I realise I am starving, or trying to cope with marking, etc.
At home I am much better because we don't have it in the house much, so I have toast or something easy if I forget to eat. But today, I forgot to exercise, too busy finishing a chapter. You win some you lose some - both of us need to lose some but at the moment maybe it's not your top priority right now? Don't put too much pressure on yourself if you can help it!