I'm struggling....
I'm really struggling at the moment with a full time job, a baby, a 7 year old, a partner, a house, a part time job, TRYING to be a friend, a disobedient dog, and just life in general...
Jaynie has had a miserable few days, and when she is shitty, then I get no sleep!
It's damn hard!
It's damn hard!
I really don't wanna come on here and bitch and moan too much, cos there is always gonna be someone out there who thinks I just need to get over myself and shut the hell up...
Ya know what - maybe I do! But at the moment, I really don't care what anyone thinks of me!
I feel like I'm expected to keep everything together and be perfectly happy with my life the way it is... sometimes I feel that even though I may have only had 3 hours sleep the night before, I am still supposed to slap a smile on my face and pretend that everything is hunky dory - even when I feel like curling up in to a ball and crying!
Jaynie went to the Dr this morning and she has a double ear infection.... BOTH ears have fluid in them, and she is on antibiotics again!
That will also mean that her nappies get bad again, and that, in turn means nappy rash...
It's a horrible cycle, and I hate seeing my wee girl upset... but at least we know what it is that has seen her turn in to the devil baby over the past few days!
A few hours sleep per night for the past week is NOT GOOD for mummy or baby....
A few hours sleep per night for the past week is NOT GOOD for mummy or baby....
And I feel like the worst mother int he world, cos she has been miserable for a week, and I only just took her to the Dr!
I'm eating everything in sight, and I'm ignoring my "full" signs.... I've dumped a few times lately too... just from eating stuff that I KNOW I shouldn't..... but I'm exhausted, emotionally drained and I'm obviously reverting back to old habits that I thought I had buried a long time ago....
I'm using food as a comfort, and I can't stop myself right now...
I'm a perfectionist, and my life isn't perfect at the moment and I hate it!
I can't control it, and I hate it.
The hole seems to be getting deeper, and I wont ask for help....
And even if it is offered - I wont take it.... it's just the way I am...
I'll pull myself out of it soon - I always do!
A couple of good nights sleep will fix a multitude of things.... until then, I'll just keep treading water... its all I can do.
And now.... here is something cute:
I just KNOW they are going to be partners in crime before too long!!!
Sweetie, as much as you hate asking for or accepting help, you need to get some. Even if it is just for a few hours so you can get some sleep. It is really really hard working full time & having kids, and having 2 kids is not double the difficulty it is about 10 times the difficulty.
ReplyDeleteThings always seem worse when you are sleep deprived, you will get through this and you have heaps of people around who love you & are willing to ease the burden.
Take care.
Jo, Zopiclone and a (un)willing partner can be a lifesaver... gets you to sleep but still lets you operate if you need to and doesn't make your head feel like lead in the morning! The odd one now and then will not hurt! Love you and wish I could do something to help but just know that you are not alone, most of us working mums feel the same way whether we admit it or not! xxx
ReplyDeleteOh Jo, I realise you probably have to work but I really, really feel for mums who have to do this. A baby is a full time job, add to a seven year old and running a house!! Crazy days. I don't know what the answer is but certainly working part time is a great alternative if you can get it. Good luck, I have no idea how you and all the other mums do this.
ReplyDeleteAsk for help, hell I know how hard it is, I have to ask for help now and it beats me up something chronic, I am an independent person.... but with this illness now I have no choice, if I have any chance of getting somewhat better - fingers crossed.
ReplyDelete