Tuesday 9th December

My girl loves to starfish out in her bed and kick all the blankets off - no wonder I can't have her sleeping with me!
This photo was taken at mum's place when all the shit hit the fan with Jeremy - I love it!
It's a double bed, so you can see just how much room she takes up!  lol

The other photos were taken over the weekend - she convinced me to buy her the Santa outfit, and then insisted on taking photos so that we could show Nana and Aunty Steph!  
So of course she HAD to pose!!!!

We are settling in well to our little place, and it already feels like a home to me.
The neighbours are old and quiet, and the area is lovely.
All in all it is good....... the only thing I worry about is the fact that there is NO section, so Rhian cant run around on the lawn etc.
I have had to put her swimming pool away, and her waterslide too........ and although she has asked for them both, she has also told me that she is taking them both to her nanas house in the holidays!
Hehehehe.......... good luck mum!!!!

Things are trucking along quite nicely in my life.
Jeremy and I talk every day, and in some aspects it is almost like we are still together, just living in seperate houses.
Don't get me wrong here.........I don't want to get back together with him, and he doesn't want to get back together with me either, but I guess we miss each others company to a certain extent, and it is comforting to know that we are still able to maintain a friendship through all the shit that has gone down.
He is not a bad person, just young and dumb at times, and I let him walk all over me when I "should" have been stronger.
Sure, he has treated me like crap from time to time, and he can see that, but I am not the type of person to hold grudges at all, and since he owes me several thousand dollars, I am not going to be a bitch to him any time soon!!!
Anyway, like I said - we will NEVER get back together, we should never have been together to start with - we really just weren't right for one another.  Both of us can see that, but at the time it was what we both needed.
Now it is time for me to become comfortable with my own company, and realise that I don't actually NEED a man in my life to feel successful.
To be honest, I LIKE going home at the end of the day and not having to worry about what kind of mood he is in.
I LIKE going to bed at night and being able to watch whatever the hell I want to on TV - even if it is total mind-numbing crap!!!
I LOVE the fact that Rhian can crawl in to bed with me in the mornings and I don;t have to worry about keeping her quiet cos he is still sleeping.
Little things make me smile now.....
Life it getting better.
I still have my down days, and that is completely normal, and I know that time will heal.
I'm just waiting for the day that I wake up in the morning and he isn't the first thing I think about.
That day will come............. I know that!

So......... going back to last week.......
The appointments in Hamilton were all fantastic!
I am sure that it was the first time in my life that someone has actually told me that it is not my fault that I am fat.
It is not because I am lazy, or have no will power.
It is because my brain doesn't work the same way as "normal" peoples brains do!
It is an addiction, and one that I can't overcome by just dieting.
We all know that dieting works - hell, I lost 54kg through dieting.
BUT................... as soon as I stopped, the weight all came back on again.....
And that is the way that is was going to go for the rest of my life.
Until I took the step to have surgery.

Anyway........... the team in Hamilton are all just bloody fabulous!
They are so supportive and positive and open and friendly, I just cannot praise them enough.
And to think that I have just 7 weeks until my surgery date!!!
CRIKEY!!!
I have broken it down like this:
This week is almost half over already.......
Next week is the last full week before the Christmas Craziness begins.
The week after is a short week, then Christmas.
The week after that is a short week then New Year.
The week after that my boss is away and things here will be mental.
That weekend I have my best friends 40th party to go to.
The week after that I start my Pre-op diet and that Friday a very good friend (and workmate) starts her maternity leave.
The week after that is a full week on the Pre-op diet, then the week after that I head up to Hamilton for the surgery!!!!!
OhMiGod!!!!!!!!!!  That is just plain crazy!!!!!!
I soooooo can't wait!!!

How am I going with cutting out white bread?
Well, I think I have done marvellously!!!
Friday was our work Christmas party, and the entree was baked salmon with thin slices of crusty bread.
I just had a small amount of salmon.
Friday night I went for dinner at Sue's place, she made open beef burgers with snitchel and advacado and salad on Turkish bread.
I ate everything BUT the bread.
Saturday night was a BBQ at Sue's place, and I avoided the bread again, just had meat and salad.
Sunday, Rhian and I went to subway as we were in a hurry for lunch, and although I guess it can be classed as white bread......... I didn't have a roll, I actually had a wrap instead.  Bloody lovely too!
I did really well yesterday, but I will admit that I had a scone today.
Again, not exactly "white bread" so to speak, but I probably shouldn't have had it.
But, it was either that, or cake or biscuits.
I thought I did quite well :)

Walking........... Well, I walked to work on Friday morning and it took me about 15 minutes.
Walked around at the Christmas party, and even got a bit of a sweat up rustling some sheep as one of our activities!!!!
Saturday and Sunday was a whole heap of incidental exercise, and gardening.
I plan on getting out for a walk after work with my girl, IF the rain holds off of course *wink*

All in all I think I am doing pretty damn well.
I haven't told any other people yet about the surgery, but I am thinking of doing that soon.
I have no intention of making this blog public at all, but I'm thinking more of the people that I see every day and extended family etc.
My immediate work mate, and my 2nd level manager for a start.
They were both so funny the other day when I got back after being up in Hamilton.
Natalie thought that I must have been away seeing a boy!!!!!!
I guess that was because I was grinning like an idiot on Friday morning!!  lol

Righto - time to do some work..............